Chapter 1:Wonderland

As the snow falls and blankets the city of Chicago, I find myself at times overcome with a sudden unexplainable nostalgia. Im reminded of so many different past events, events that have shaped who I am, the good and the bad. Even the most random events and people. there is something somber that seems to happen in my soul and to be honest, I feel that there is much change needed in me ahead. I notice the bad, the things that need to be different, the things that must die away. When it snows, all the nature in its path, plant life to be exact though still alive, dies away to the human eye. All that we see are bear trees, trees stripped of their leaves, of there parts. The winter is harsh, beautiful to those who see it but to those who experience it, long and cold. The beautiful thing that occurs is when winter ends. The trees bear and seemingly lifeless begin to show signs of life, and after all that was stripped away, they once again display the fact that they are still alive, we see beauty again, we see something glorious replenished to its original state.
        Sin has the power to take something beautiful and distort it. It takes humanity, made to be glorious made to display the Father's image, and instead depicts a picture that is distorted. The apostle Paul speaks of his struggle with sin in the book of Romans Stating;
 "For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.  Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good.  So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.  For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.  For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.  Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being,  but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members."
        Paul understood the battle we face with sin continually. Without a healthy relationship spending time reading the word and praying to our Father, coming to Him as we would our friends or parents, those close to us. We cannot combat the war against sin. We become weak and ineffective christians. We are depressed, heavy hearted and so easily decived and destroyed by the enemy. we are clay in his hands and we dont even at times realize this. In my own life, I can see the effects of sin and of the times that I am not close with Christ. It is something that leaves me broken and completely stripped of my joy. What is crazy is that sometimes I find myself believing this lie "you are just not strong enough to overcome this, its who you are lauren". In Christ i am given every power against evil and the strength to overcome all things. On my own strength yes, this would be impossible but because of Christ i have freedom from the bondage of sin.
       My current feelings for winter exist because as the trees are stripped of their life and enduring
 the cold I myself feel God calling me to strip myself of the things not honoring Him in my life and the act of this is extremely painful. Painful because I see how effected I am by sin and how hard it is for me to just let go at times. I know that this is the best thing for me, and internally I cry aloud in anguish over how I cling to worthless idols, but when I let go, I am able to see the light again. Many feel that they are free when they are in sin but when you realize the need to turn away from it only then do u see its pull on your life. Letting Christ blanket over my life as the snow does to the trees has been so difficult but I have peace knowing that through the cold, through the pain, I am once again beginning to yield fruit and signs of true beauty and life. Christ is continually making me a new creation, the true creation I am meant to be. I am not yet fully replenished, but I am to be daily growing to what Christ already see's in me. This is what He saw on the Christ and the image of Him dwelling on me, loving me, seeing me as beautiful. This is the one that I picture as i go through the cold winter. So, In many respects winter is a wonderland that is, for me soul.

The Introduction

On a very quiet, colder then usual february morning, the very first february morning of the year in the late 80's I opened my eyes for the first time in this world. In the last 23 years since that moment, I have been intertwined in a constant learning process. I grew up reading fairy tales, fascinated with the colorful pictures in the books, watching disney movies, and dancing and singing as my parents video tapped me and my older sister. Naturally, I view the world in many ways as magical. I grew up in what many people around the world consider paradise, Miami, Florida famously known for its melting pot population, beautiful weather and gorgeous glammed up people. It was here where my memoir developed.
        In miami, i lived a great life with parents who sacrificed constantly for me and my sister which intern, made life memorable. My mother was a teacher so she was my constant companion, with a job that did not  take up her life she could invest in her children and she did just that. My father worked very hard and tried to spend as much time with us as he could. As a younger child, I was full of life, always making jokes, loving the spotlight, any opportunity to talk was for me, laughter was continuous as i grew up i became more mellow. In my teenage years, I fought many battles with myself and endured much drama and equally memorable times with unforgettable friends before the moment when life seemed to stand still. This was the moment I came to know God for who he is, my creator. When I really truly grasped this, my life changed. I was not by any means perfect, and since that moment I have made many many mistakes but my constant obsession always ends at this place, the cross. I graduated high school, attended bible college and after some needed time off and a beautiful wedding, I moved back to the midwest to finish schooling here to return back to my hometown. The journey thus far has not been the easiest but it has been very fun and unforgettable leaving me with friendships that will last a lifetime. besides, every good story has its suspense, its despairs, and its triumphs. I decided to start this blog because I feel that I have a voice that needs to be heard, that perhaps my struggles and happiness could be a source of encouragement for others, To share what God lays on my hard, to be random, and well, ive always been a writer in my inner most being. So keep up with me and my life, and send me your blogs!