Hello Fall

    In the wake of another fall season, I cannot help but look back at the beginning of this year and loose myself in the magnitude of the changes that have taken place. Somethings that seemed to be right feel so wrong, and the people that i imagined would always exist in my bubble of a life have quickly detached themselves from my small space. In the midst of it all I find that its just me now. My more introverted spirit distracts me from this reality but sometimes, like now for instance, in the nights solitude I remember this truth. I know that God is with me, and my family loves me more then life itself but when ur hurting inside, you have to just allow yourself to break and hope the peices can but put back together to resemble if possible the image you once were, that I once was. Im hopeful for the future, but the beginning of fall, as the beginning of winter, brings out a somber part of my soul. I want to be happy but I at times ignore the fact that its ok for me to be upset, that its healthy and to move foward I have to. When you loose apart of yourself, a person in your life you trusted and gave everything to, in many ways that person has to die to you. Ive never been good at goodbyes, so ive tried to hard to ignore this moment, I forget you...I keep you in a place that no one can take you away from but I know I have to let you go. so this is it, goodbye. I'll imagine that we're sitting on a bench on a fall evening in the park and I have the strength to tell you this. I hope you'll be happy, have children and grow old. Never experiencing the pains we both have endured again. I'll give you to God and allow him to heal me. Ill walk away and I wont give you the face I did the last time you walked away alone, I let u take me with u even though ud never know. Goodbye.
       Life is not over, and has brought me some suprises. I realized my passion in life and for me if you know me you know im a women of many passions. Music and writing being my favorite, I always come back to my adoration for children and my strangely compassionate and merciful heart. In my eyes, if God can forgive me of anything I can forgive anyone else period, and somehow God has given me the ability to do this. I cannot stay mad at anyone ever and im willing to forget anything but my heart longs for justice. I want to work with hurting children who have no one to care for them. I want to give them love n I want to teach. I want to be that kindergarden teacher you remember when ur 25 and having that random conversation with your friend at starbucks. I want to make a difference. Its so encouraging to know what I want. Finally after 24 years I know, sometimes other people dont get that but I feel like a women who knows what she wants in life and isnt afraid to voice it should be cherished.
    Im currently going through a weird stage due to stress n ofcourse skin issues I deal with continually but I am happy to say that I truly love myself. Im happy with how God made me, the way I look the person I am...I dont feel like there are many like me in this world and truthfully the world could use more of us.I dont want to be full of drama, upset, and obsessed with my body and flaunting it, but just be who I am...silly and sweet, wear the eccentric things I like and do the things I like to do..run, blog, read my bible, dance, sing, travel, be obsessed with my dog and overly festive during holidays, eat way to much sugar...whatever! Thing could be so much worse...someone really important to me told me that. Its scary when you meet someone you end up caring for way more then u originally thought you would and you realize your going to loose them but you dont want to. Thing is, I have the childlike hope that anything is possible, that even if prince charming left me that maybe he was wrong all along n theres an alternate part of the story thats thousands of times better, Like when bella is dying in breaking dawn but she gets to spend eternity with edward. Ok that was a stretch but I hope it was understandable. I guess I just dont want to loose a good thing if I dont have to, but you cant force someone to feel the way you do, so ill have to hold myself together...my walls together that is. I'm realizing that moving back to miami is my reality for now. I just want to finish school and move somewhere else...meet new people and start over...wish I could hold on to the ones I dont wanna let go of...not sure where I'll go but somewhere that will keep my skin warm and tan. I dont want to leave but I will do whats best and Ill find someone at one point who will hold my hand through it all, or when its all over. So hello fall, your memories keep me going and keep my heart warm, lets see what suprises you bring.

                                   
 

 

So I have been terrible at keeping up my blog but I promise I will regularly update as soon as the madness of schooling is over. Speaking of schooling being over. WOW, I never thought this chapter of my life would come to a close. At this point, I'm hoping everything still works out but either way I am so close to the end I hardly believe it. Currently I am working on my senior project which is a devotional for young adults. I'm excited to see the entries come to life and have been extremely challenged. Interning at NBC has also been teaching me alot and has been a great experience. Another blessing: my best friend had her baby Jeremiah Eli Metellus who was born pre-mature by two months but is doing beautifully. Being at her side through the entire ordeal has been life changing and amazing. My sister is next with little Camila Josephine Rosati on the way in late June. Babies just keep coming and sooner or later, i know I'm next. The thought is wonderful and scary at the same time but I know me and angel will be great parents, its this innate feeling I have always had. We will be taking a summer school course called apologetics in July and then finally heading back to the wonderful unique world of South Florida. I'm so surprised and happy to hear that my best friend Stef and her husband Abe are headed down this summer as well. Another interesting summer event: my moody radio internship. Sooooo pumped about it! I'll admit Ive become quite the learning sponge but you have to take advantage of your passions :). In addition to all these random facts I am trying to jam in to let everyone know whats up I believe I have finally found the master's program I've been looking for. Full Sail has an amazing new media journalism 12 month online masters course. I'm pretty for sure on the fact that I am applying for spring 2012 God willing. SO that's that's up in my life, I cannot complain and I'm honestly thrilled to see whats next, in everything I've got my eyes on the son.

New Year:)

So every year I tell my self that I am not going to make a resolution I will not keep. This year, I have decided that the reason I do not end up keeping these resolutions is because I somehow think that the things I wish to attain should be mastered within a month. Patience will be the key to the victory I desire this year as far as resolutions are concerned. First off, I want to be better with time management this year. That is self explanitory in my opinion, lol. Anyhow I desire no longer to get caught up in my emotions and make regimented changes in my schedule. Next I want to learn how to play basketball. I come from a line of individual's who were fairly athletic and its time I exercise those genes.  I myelf have alway loved to watch baketball. As a kid I was the girl in ballet and choir, I loved art and music. So I allowed myself to be engrossed in these things. Now, Ive put up me feet and said; Why not?!? So Angel (my love) is planning on helping me out with this conquest. Though many of my friends dont seem to have a world of faith in me when it comes to this (they are obviously hating) im excited about this new found past time. In addition I am continuing my work out journey this year with a two mile run three times a week and lifting weights three times a week. I love the feeling you get when you are working hard in the gym and enjoying the sounds of your ipod as you run the track. Its just well, therapeutic.So these are just a few things I am aspiring towards this year. I am also hoping to get a new camera on my birthday to explore the art of photography :). Cheers to a new year my friends, 2011 will not only be bringing me new years resolutions but also a lovely black graduation cap<3. let me in on your plans for a new year.

These are A Few of My Favorite Things....

I Absolutely LOVE Mary-Kate and Ashley's fashion.

Just an affectionate photo I love:)

Central Park...I adore u. <3

This is the mother land, Puerto Rico, how I long to feel the sun on this beach.

Rachel Bilson is another fashion icon, love her hair and effortless beauty.

Ive gotten really interested in photography, just for fun ofcourse, so im saving for this beauty:)

My love is obssessed with the heat and in his obsession ive formed a love of my own.

Have always adored this photo ad area, R.I.P John Lennon.

My Home, Miami. I miss it so much currently but am happy to be in Chicago.

Chapter 1:Wonderland

As the snow falls and blankets the city of Chicago, I find myself at times overcome with a sudden unexplainable nostalgia. Im reminded of so many different past events, events that have shaped who I am, the good and the bad. Even the most random events and people. there is something somber that seems to happen in my soul and to be honest, I feel that there is much change needed in me ahead. I notice the bad, the things that need to be different, the things that must die away. When it snows, all the nature in its path, plant life to be exact though still alive, dies away to the human eye. All that we see are bear trees, trees stripped of their leaves, of there parts. The winter is harsh, beautiful to those who see it but to those who experience it, long and cold. The beautiful thing that occurs is when winter ends. The trees bear and seemingly lifeless begin to show signs of life, and after all that was stripped away, they once again display the fact that they are still alive, we see beauty again, we see something glorious replenished to its original state.
        Sin has the power to take something beautiful and distort it. It takes humanity, made to be glorious made to display the Father's image, and instead depicts a picture that is distorted. The apostle Paul speaks of his struggle with sin in the book of Romans Stating;
 "For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.  Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good.  So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me.  For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.  For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing.  Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being,  but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members."
        Paul understood the battle we face with sin continually. Without a healthy relationship spending time reading the word and praying to our Father, coming to Him as we would our friends or parents, those close to us. We cannot combat the war against sin. We become weak and ineffective christians. We are depressed, heavy hearted and so easily decived and destroyed by the enemy. we are clay in his hands and we dont even at times realize this. In my own life, I can see the effects of sin and of the times that I am not close with Christ. It is something that leaves me broken and completely stripped of my joy. What is crazy is that sometimes I find myself believing this lie "you are just not strong enough to overcome this, its who you are lauren". In Christ i am given every power against evil and the strength to overcome all things. On my own strength yes, this would be impossible but because of Christ i have freedom from the bondage of sin.
       My current feelings for winter exist because as the trees are stripped of their life and enduring
 the cold I myself feel God calling me to strip myself of the things not honoring Him in my life and the act of this is extremely painful. Painful because I see how effected I am by sin and how hard it is for me to just let go at times. I know that this is the best thing for me, and internally I cry aloud in anguish over how I cling to worthless idols, but when I let go, I am able to see the light again. Many feel that they are free when they are in sin but when you realize the need to turn away from it only then do u see its pull on your life. Letting Christ blanket over my life as the snow does to the trees has been so difficult but I have peace knowing that through the cold, through the pain, I am once again beginning to yield fruit and signs of true beauty and life. Christ is continually making me a new creation, the true creation I am meant to be. I am not yet fully replenished, but I am to be daily growing to what Christ already see's in me. This is what He saw on the Christ and the image of Him dwelling on me, loving me, seeing me as beautiful. This is the one that I picture as i go through the cold winter. So, In many respects winter is a wonderland that is, for me soul.

The Introduction

On a very quiet, colder then usual february morning, the very first february morning of the year in the late 80's I opened my eyes for the first time in this world. In the last 23 years since that moment, I have been intertwined in a constant learning process. I grew up reading fairy tales, fascinated with the colorful pictures in the books, watching disney movies, and dancing and singing as my parents video tapped me and my older sister. Naturally, I view the world in many ways as magical. I grew up in what many people around the world consider paradise, Miami, Florida famously known for its melting pot population, beautiful weather and gorgeous glammed up people. It was here where my memoir developed.
        In miami, i lived a great life with parents who sacrificed constantly for me and my sister which intern, made life memorable. My mother was a teacher so she was my constant companion, with a job that did not  take up her life she could invest in her children and she did just that. My father worked very hard and tried to spend as much time with us as he could. As a younger child, I was full of life, always making jokes, loving the spotlight, any opportunity to talk was for me, laughter was continuous as i grew up i became more mellow. In my teenage years, I fought many battles with myself and endured much drama and equally memorable times with unforgettable friends before the moment when life seemed to stand still. This was the moment I came to know God for who he is, my creator. When I really truly grasped this, my life changed. I was not by any means perfect, and since that moment I have made many many mistakes but my constant obsession always ends at this place, the cross. I graduated high school, attended bible college and after some needed time off and a beautiful wedding, I moved back to the midwest to finish schooling here to return back to my hometown. The journey thus far has not been the easiest but it has been very fun and unforgettable leaving me with friendships that will last a lifetime. besides, every good story has its suspense, its despairs, and its triumphs. I decided to start this blog because I feel that I have a voice that needs to be heard, that perhaps my struggles and happiness could be a source of encouragement for others, To share what God lays on my hard, to be random, and well, ive always been a writer in my inner most being. So keep up with me and my life, and send me your blogs!